Right now me and my cheating spouse (former husband) are living together, for the sake of living together.  There is no sex, and communication is only because of our kids.  I have expressed to him that it is over because of his affair and the fact that I can not get over his behavior, and that is ok for me to feel that way.  Of course he wants to get back, but I still think it is to save face.

The think that surprises me is, we don’t have sex at all anymore, and I love it!!!  There is such anger and resentment towards him, that when he even tries to come toward me in a sexual manner, I want to either throw up or throw something at him.  Our sex life is over.  And the funny thing is, I am less stressed.  I don’t have to think about if he is or isn’t going to come on to me.  I don’t have to stress about feeling bad that I don’t have sex with him anymore.  I don’t have to stress about birth control or pregnancy.  The world is just a little bit simplified by the fact that I refuse and can’t emotionally have sex with him anymore.  Someone (of course a guy) said, don’t do that (meaning now have sex), your going to drive him away.  Oh well, I will not sacrifice my own happiness and emotionally stability to try to please a cheating spouse who has hurt me so much.   I really have to give it to those women who choose and want to stay by their man, that is a very difficult thing to do.   I am unfortunately not in that category.  And I am slowly starting to realize that getting a divorce is much longer and much more of a headache than I ever imagined.   So I better get use to the lack of sex.  Ladies, I would rather not have sex than to have sex and regret it or not feel good afterwords!!  Till next time.

1. Sexual Performance after the affair.  My husband cheated.  We had sex problems before, not, it’s like sex problems times ten.  I feel like every time we sleep together, it’s like I have to perform.  I am scared to say anything, even if it hurts, because subconsciously I feel like a loser that my husband went out and had an affair.  So now I feel like it’s more of a performance versus love making or sex.
2. Any criticism in the bed department – I literally have a nervous breakdown!!  So last time we had sex, he wanted me to get on top and ride it.  So needless to say, I wasn’t doing it very well, and he was getting frustrated with me.  So instead of trying harder, I wanted to not continue.  I proceed to cry hysterically because I felt like he was comparing me to the ‘other women’.  Even though he did not mention it, I knew he was.
3. I sometimes revert back to the “did she do it better syndrome?” Primarily in the sex department, I have this thing where in the back of my mind, I think, did she make him laugh harder, did she have sex better, did she, did she, did she……..the constant comparison is always done with sex.
4. Sex is suppose to be an enjoyable experience. Where you can feel good, relax, and actually bring you and your husband closer together. It is suppose to bond you.  For me, it doesn’t do that, it is more stress than enjoyable. I have to dig deeper to figure out why but that is the way I feel now.
5. All of the issues above happened before the affair.  Meaning the issues before I caught my husband cheating are still there.  Sex is still an issue.  And I have no clue how to fix it or it they will get fixed.