Cheating Husbands - YOU ARE NOT ALONE » cheating spouse

Cheating spouse – Do you really want to end this?

Jewels — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 02:26:39 +0000

I get this question almost everyday from my cheating husband (Do you really want to end this? ) I don’t want to be affectionate , because then I am leading him on and in his opinion ‘playing games’. I struggled for a while with this issue. It is really an effort to be mean when you live with someone, sometimes I wonder if this ‘being mean’ is more of an effort to me than to him. So what I have told myself is that it is in his best interest for me to present myself in a consistent manner. I personally feel the best thing to do for us is go our separate ways. And by me going back and forth, I lead him on. For example, we will have a good discussion one night, followed by an affectionate movie in the bed, and the next morning he is like ‘Man, I am so glad we are back together’. WTF??? We are not back together, it doesn’t take a movie, good conversation and some affectionate behavior to deem everything better. After a while I realized that men and women think differently and maybe my behavior was the one that needed to be changed, so I went cold turkey on him. I am not affectionate, I only interact with him when needed. We don’t do joint activities unless necessary, and I am very cold to him. I tell myself it is better than leading him on. BUT, even after all of this, he still tries to be affectionate, I still reject him, and then he says, ‘Do you really want this to end? Well, I guess it is really over’. It’s like everyday he wants to act that like day was the straw that broke the camel’s back, when really, the cheating was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe I am still giving mixed signals, oh well, who know’s at this point??? Till next time,

Jewels!

Cheating spouse experience: A blessing in the storm

Jewels — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 03:29:21 +0000

Today was a great day for me. For years, I denied myself. I denied myself of getting new clothes. I denied myself of going out with friends. I denied myself of watching tv, having fun, doing what I like doing, not what everyone else likes doing. And today, I feel I am getting to the point where I am becoming liberated. Liberated from everyone’s else’s viewpoint of what I should do and how I should do it. After my husband cheated, I learned something so important, and that is, the only person that is going to look out for you is you. Your husband is looking out for him, and everyone else in this world is doing the same thing, expect you!! I decided that this can not happen anymore. It is about me in 2010, and what I want to do, what I need to do, and what I can do to make me happy. I always thought I was selfish in thinking this way, now I realize that being selfish is good. It gives you love and reserves so that you can love others more fully. So when people ask me to do something I don’t want to do, I tell them no (especially my cheating husband…lol). Not to be mean, because I have to get to the point where I make decisions based off of me first, not everyone else. Of course, I have a long ways to go, I take each day at a time. Today I went shopping, just for me. That rarely happens, and I always feel guilty because I have bills, kids, ect to look after. But ironically, after being selfish and shopping for me, I came home a better mother, a happier mother, because I took care of myself first. I am just breaking the tip of the iceberg in this new found me, but so far I LOVE it!! My hope is that anyone that is reading this will find themselves at this point as well. Best of luck.

Jewels!!

Cheating Spouse: Telling your parents

Jewels — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 05:37:45 +0000

I finally told my dad today about my husband cheating on me. I told my mom and sis already, but I think I really feared the disappointment from my dad. My dad is big into family and really wants me to think twice about all major decisions because of my little ones. I thought he was going to saying ‘do what it takes to keep it together’, but he was more realistic than I thought – Thanks Dad.

He recommended counseling. I told him I wanted my cheating husband to set it up. He thinks it doesn’t matter. He said set it up yourself and during the sessions you can get a feel if he is really willing to do what it takes to rebuild trust. One thing that he said that surprised me was that if he did it again, that my stuff and leave immediately, make him realize that he lost out on the deal. And trust me, he is going to lose big time. He told me if it doesn’t work, then I have to work on starting out fresh and giving my children the most comfortable life possible.

Even though I felt better after the call, I still feel like I disappointed him, even thought I did not cheat. I feel like I disappointed him in the choice of the man I married. I had this same feeling when I told him I was with an abusive man some years ago. Both times, I was out of state, alone, and there was really nothing they could do. But I am still glad I had the conversation……Till next time ladies!!

Straight from a former cheating spouse

Jewels — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 04:10:54 +0000

Hello Ladies,

I was having lunch with a co-worker who was very happy now in his second marriage. I asked him what happened in his first marriage (in which he was married for 12 years). He said during the first year, he cheated on his wife, and he feels that she never was able to recover from it. This scared me for 3 reasons.

1.) Even after working on your marriage after the affair for 12 years, you still ended up in divorce.

2.) The fact that he said she was still angry and bitter over the affair 12 years later made me feel hopeless.

3.) He seems to understand he was in the wrong, but he is very happy now, and she still seems to have some issues….I would imagine that the opposite would be true. He did this to her, he should be messed up, not her!!

He did make me feel better when he explained that he really doesn’t think they worked on it after the infidelity. The just got along to get along and slept in separate beds with no intimacy for the next 10 years. He also said that there were other things going on in the relationship that also contributed to the divorce.

The thing that really made me think is that they both stayed in the relationship unhappily but not miserable for 12 years before they got divorced!! I don’t want to stay in a relationship just going through the motions for that long. And I certainly don’t want you to do the same. It is perfectly normal to transition to what I call ‘limbo stage’ where you are just going through the motions until you decide what you want to do, but please try not to stay in this stage for 12 years. You deserve better. Stay strong and have a great holiday!!

We will survive our cheating spouses

Jewels — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:55:06 +0000

I know there are some women out there today that are feeling really helpless about their situation with their cheating spouse. It is a very difficult time and a time where you are going to need support to move on. I am here to tell you if no one else does, that you will recover from this situation. You are going to survive. You might not be able to see it because you are in the situation, and possibly in a situation where you have to look at the man who caused you so much pain every day by his cheating, but you will survive. You might not have time to be totally depressed because of the kids, and the house, work, and all of your other responsibilities, but you will survive. You might not have a dime to your name, but you will survive. And when you survive, share it, share it with your friends and with the world, because as you share your story, you give hope and encouragement to others to do the same. Have a great day!!

Jewels “ah ha’ moment about her cheating spouse

Jewels — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 03:48:59 +0000

You know, I love deep conversations, and I had one this weekend that was very valuable concerning Mr. Cheating Spouse. So I was talking to my girlfriend about relationships, and she is clearly much wiser than me. And I just met her, so she had no clue that my husband cheated on me. I told her that I weakened my ‘social life’ for my husband. And it wasn’t like he made me do it. It was just the little things he would say and do that made me feel bad for going out too much. If I went to a networking event, he would say “Why did you take so long to get home”. If I had a weird number on my phone, he would accuse me of cheating, and because I wanted to make him happy, I started going out less and less, until eventually I stopped going out, but the accusations remained. Then my friend stated….

“Often times, especially in relationships, people project what they see in themselves onto others, so if your man is constantly accusing you of cheating, then that is because he might be cheating or might be afraid that he might cheat himself.”

I wanted to say, Why didn’t you tell me this MONTHS ago? After I thought about what she said and talked to my sister, she told me that Halle Berry’s old husband cheated on her (he claims he is a sex addict, wtf?), and that he would constantly accuse her of cheating. So ladies, my site is primarily for post-affair things, but I did want to point it out especially for the future relationships we will get into. I will repeat the quote again because it is so true!!

Have a good day and stay strong!!

3 reasons why I would of rather had an ‘open marriage’ vs. a cheating spouse

Jewels — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 23:20:29 +0000

At one point in my relationship, I asked my husband if he wanted to have an ‘open’ relationship. I saw on some talk show where married couples engaged in different type of open relationships. Some were ‘swingers’ where they meet other married couple and engage in protected sex. While I clearly don’t know all the details of how something like this would work, I just wanted to see what my husband would say.

His response – absolutely not. Refused and even questioned why I asked as if to say that I might be cheating or something. I was a little concerned that we could not have a good old fashion discussion about it. We are married right, but he cut the conversation off quick.

His response is even more strange to me now that I found out he was cheating. I think he was so turned off by it because the thought of some other man inside of me was in some way shape or form, cutting into his manhood. Yet he cheated on me…?

I would of taken an ‘open marriage’ any day over this cheating spouse thing. And here is 3 reasons why…..

Open marriage – the deceit is not there, you know what the deal is upfront, there is no sneaking around and constant lying to the one you love.
You don’t have to feel like you locked your man into sex with one person the rest of his life. If he wants more variety, you discuss, and you get it, period.
With an open marriage, I assume the worst that can happen is that your spouse breaks one of the rules you set up before your relationship became open. Seems like it would take a lot to have a ‘deal breaker’. In cheating spouses, often times the actual deal breaker is the act of cheating.