Cheating Husbands - YOU ARE NOT ALONE » Cheating Husband

Sleep with a married man and get sued, coming to a state near you.

Jewels — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 02:30:22 +0000

I was reading the news today about this American Popstar from American Idol named Fantasia that will potentially be sued for having an affair. What is even more interesting is that North Carolina (where the divorce papers are filed) is one of 7 states where you can sue the actual home wrecker for ruining your marriage. This is good because some women sleep with married men and really don’t care that they are ruining a entire family by doing so. They use that lame line ‘you should be keeping your husband happy’ or ‘your husband deserves to be happy’. Now I do believe that the husband should bear the brunt of responsibility. He is the one that took the vow. At the same time, women need to be held accountable for their actions. I think nothing will change just because the law is there, BUT all we need is one good example of ‘the other women’ paying a big price because of this law, and it just might make some women think twice. Or will it just cause these women to get sneakier?? Food for thought…..

Affair With Friend – The Great Debate

Jewels — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 03:53:19 +0000

I recently read an interesting article that listed out in a nice format some statistics about cheating. You can view the information by using the link at the bottom of this post.

The statistic that stood out stated that the majority of affairs are ones that are with ‘friends’.

I think as humans we think that we can control ourselves around ‘friends’ of the opposite sex, but the statistics are showing that we can’t. There is an ongoing debate around this. Some people feel when your married you should not have close ‘friends’ of the opposite sex. Some feel that by making such a statement (no friends of the opposite sex), it calls for a controlling marriage.

The cheating with a friend plays consistently every time. Here is how is goes.

Man falls in love and marries women (wife). Husband and wife live together and it is not what hubby expected. Husband starts to either increase existing friendships with other women or creates new ones. Man thinks he can control himself. Husband has argument with wife, calls ‘friend’. ‘Friend’ sides with husband. Husband likes ‘friend’ even more. Another argument with wife, more (visits, phone calls, texts, or online chats) from friend. Husband starts to fantasize about ‘friend’. Husband or ‘friend’ makes an advance, and the rest is his story.

Before my husband cheated, we agreed not to have any close friends of the opposite sex. I kept my end of the deal, but when the relationship hit a rough patch, he didn’t keep his end of the deal.

I am really torn with this debate over marriage and friends of the opposite sex. Part of me thinks that when your married, you really should not have ‘friends’ from the opposite sex because the minute you hit a marriage problem, by talking to your ‘friend’ (who happens to be a single women 10 years younger) your literally planting the seeds because this is how most affairs start.

At the same time, I don’t agree that married couples should not engage at all and have ‘friends’. I think I am torn because I deep down don’t believe in having close friends of the opposite sex, but I think that same ideal came back to bite me. The reason I say that is when I found out my husband cheating, I had no ‘friend’ to talk with. Over the course of time that we have been married, I sort of isolated myself, and I regret that.

I do think there is a balance that works, lucky for me after this experience I plan to be single for a while so I will have plenty of time to find the balance that works for me. Enjoy and take care!!

Link with the statistics: Cheating Statistics

Your Husband Cheated? Revenge is not your job.

Jewels — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 02:37:34 +0000

Hello Ladies,

Hope everyone has been doing well. I wanted to touch on the topic of revenge. When we face a cheating husband, you feel very justified to hurt him and get him back for what he did. It’s human nature to have that little voice in your ear saying ‘You will pay for this!’. But I am here to tell you to quite that voice. Revenge is not the way to handle this situation.

Revenge actually takes a good amount of effort and time. Your already have to deal with the grief of finding out, the stress of deciding what to do next, the pain of a broken heart, and the day to day life happenings. Adding on revenge is really too much – seriously.

I will tell you something your probably won’t like – your husband will never express or show the amount of pain and misery this has caused in the same manner that you would. So sometimes in revenge you are setting yourself up for a disappointing reaction from your husband – just a thought.

To be honest with you, revenge focuses too much on your husband and his actions, and doesn’t focus on you as the individual. If I ruled the world, I wish all women in this situation focus inward as much as they focus on the marriage, because cheating rocks you to your core, and it is important to deal with that. As I deal with it myself, I feel more empowered and free. Good Night Ladies – Till next time!!

My cheating husband and me are over, ironically, I am less stressed

Jewels — Tue, 04 May 2010 03:30:11 +0000

For me personally, the moment I decided last year that the marriage was over, I became less stressed. I had a husband who depended on me for everything. When he didn’t pay a bill, I stressed. When he was running late for work, I stressed. When he wanted something that he didn’t get, I stressed. (I know, I have issues!!) It took months after he cheating for me to come to the realization that it is over, but when I did, when I really told myself I am done, suddenly a weight lifted off my shoulder. I no longer have to worry for him. Now he never asked me to take on the burden of worrying and stressing on his behalf, but I did. And now that it’s over, I don’t have as much to worry about. Yes, my finances are a mess, don’t know where I am going to live, my kids will have to deal with mommy and daddy no longer being together, but I am less stressed. I think ultimately I am less stressed because even though things will be rough ahead, that road will be in my control. I don’t have to beg and hope that someone else will get it together, it’s all on me. And I can do ok when the future is mostly left up to my effort. I may be down BUT I am not out. I am going to come out on top, I don’t need a man to validate me or stress me out…lol. I got my work cut out for me in the next 2 years, but I am putting a plan in place that can and will work. I know part of me not being as stressed is that I am not at the point of making major decisions (divoce/lawyers, moving kids out, ect.) but for me it is ok to be in this state temporarily. I think sometimes we move too fast, thinking we have to do something now. I am doing thing according to my schedule, which says I am ok right now, and that is good enough for me (and should be good enough for you too!!). Good night ladies!!

Cheating spouse – Do you really want to end this?

Jewels — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 02:26:39 +0000

I get this question almost everyday from my cheating husband (Do you really want to end this? ) I don’t want to be affectionate , because then I am leading him on and in his opinion ‘playing games’. I struggled for a while with this issue. It is really an effort to be mean when you live with someone, sometimes I wonder if this ‘being mean’ is more of an effort to me than to him. So what I have told myself is that it is in his best interest for me to present myself in a consistent manner. I personally feel the best thing to do for us is go our separate ways. And by me going back and forth, I lead him on. For example, we will have a good discussion one night, followed by an affectionate movie in the bed, and the next morning he is like ‘Man, I am so glad we are back together’. WTF??? We are not back together, it doesn’t take a movie, good conversation and some affectionate behavior to deem everything better. After a while I realized that men and women think differently and maybe my behavior was the one that needed to be changed, so I went cold turkey on him. I am not affectionate, I only interact with him when needed. We don’t do joint activities unless necessary, and I am very cold to him. I tell myself it is better than leading him on. BUT, even after all of this, he still tries to be affectionate, I still reject him, and then he says, ‘Do you really want this to end? Well, I guess it is really over’. It’s like everyday he wants to act that like day was the straw that broke the camel’s back, when really, the cheating was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe I am still giving mixed signals, oh well, who know’s at this point??? Till next time,

Jewels!

Cheating spouse experience: A blessing in the storm

Jewels — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 03:29:21 +0000

Today was a great day for me. For years, I denied myself. I denied myself of getting new clothes. I denied myself of going out with friends. I denied myself of watching tv, having fun, doing what I like doing, not what everyone else likes doing. And today, I feel I am getting to the point where I am becoming liberated. Liberated from everyone’s else’s viewpoint of what I should do and how I should do it. After my husband cheated, I learned something so important, and that is, the only person that is going to look out for you is you. Your husband is looking out for him, and everyone else in this world is doing the same thing, expect you!! I decided that this can not happen anymore. It is about me in 2010, and what I want to do, what I need to do, and what I can do to make me happy. I always thought I was selfish in thinking this way, now I realize that being selfish is good. It gives you love and reserves so that you can love others more fully. So when people ask me to do something I don’t want to do, I tell them no (especially my cheating husband…lol). Not to be mean, because I have to get to the point where I make decisions based off of me first, not everyone else. Of course, I have a long ways to go, I take each day at a time. Today I went shopping, just for me. That rarely happens, and I always feel guilty because I have bills, kids, ect to look after. But ironically, after being selfish and shopping for me, I came home a better mother, a happier mother, because I took care of myself first. I am just breaking the tip of the iceberg in this new found me, but so far I LOVE it!! My hope is that anyone that is reading this will find themselves at this point as well. Best of luck.

Jewels!!