Now, I am sure there are instances of this, but typically, when a famous married person is involved in a cheating scandal, very rarely do they stay married (or living in the same house) for very long.  There are relationships all over the world where the husband is caught cheating and the marriage survives, if your famous and have money, statistically, your chances are very slim.

When you have money, things don’t get as ugly because you don’t have to stay in the same house.  With most of us ‘regular folk’, the husband cheats and the next day/week, ect, he is still sleeping at the house.  This causes for tension and drama at times.  I feel like one of the main reasons divorces get messy is because people stay under the same roof until it gets ugly.  On a postitive note, living under the same roof after the affair sometimes gives the both of you a chance to talk and understand each other better.

When you have money, you can pay for some ‘think time’, in which you can go away for a week (with or without your husband) and just think about the situation.  Most of us (without a ton of money) have obligations in which we have to squeeze dealing with this in between kids, work, cleaning the house, ect.  And even if you do have money, kids my limit you in the amount of ‘think time’ you have.

Lastly, when you have money, you can pay for the top therapists to help your individually and as a couple.   I think going to a top specialized therapist can do wonders for you recovery efforts.

I know I probably missed some things here, if you think of some, let me know!

-Jewels

Elin talked about the embarrassment – if you affair is known, you have been there.  I can say to a certain extent I am still there at times, there is still a very small part of me that harbors some embarrassment in talking with others about it, but I am getting better everyday.

Elin talks about the anger, the pain, the depression – we have all been there.  At the end of the article, I smiled in knowing how universal our feelings are when our husband cheats.  It’s a shame that there is not a ton of stuff out there that bonds us together through this experience because it is usually a taboo topic.  I hope to change that one day, giving women somewhere to go and talk to someone who has been through the experience.  The site is just the beginning.

Tomorrow (Part II) I will talk about how money did help and impact Elin in her time of recovery, because I do think having money does help the situation.

Now, I would like to speak to what money does when your husband cheats

Huffington has a good recap of the People Magazine story -

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/25/elin-nordegren-breaks-sil_n_693656.html

-Jewels

1. It’s ok to grieve. You really should consider this as a loss in the sense that you lost your sense of reality. Any type of loss can really hurt and you have to know that it is ok to cry, really it is. I am going on a year and a half now, and I still cry every once and a while, and I am ok with that, you should be as well.

2. If you haven’t decided yet if your going to work things out or not (and you found out over 6 months ago), it’s time to really look at your situation and start determining your game plan. It either will be a game plan to exit the marriage, or a game plan to stay in the marriage. Either way, I stronger encourage you to think and plan your next steps, because living life wobbling between staying in the marriage or leaving is a huge stress to you and your husband.

3. Take some time to be alone (in a fun way – not sitting in the house). Go to a museum by yourself, or visit your favorite store or restaurant. Weather you stay or leave your marriage, you still have to be comfortable being alone, because during those times is where you energized your spirit. Try it out for yourself and let me know how it works.

These are just 3 quick tips that I hope will help you in your journey. Be safe.

Jewels

1. A ‘tell-tell’ sign of the affair – relived. I give you a personal example. My husband changed his hours at work while he was having the affair. Not sure if he initiated the work hour change or his job, but nevertheless he worked different hours, which helped him be with her more. He went back to his normal schedule, but then told me the job said he had to change it again. That is when the trigger started. I got a pit in my stomach because it took me back to that place when I found out of the affair. Even though we are separated, that triggered my emotions because I associated his schedule as a ‘tell-tell’ sign of the affair.

2. Weddings/love stories/love songs – big triggers. They sometimes can remind you of the love that you and your husband had prior to the affair, or remind you of the love you no longer have.

3. Your husband – your cheating husband can be a trigger. When you get into an argument, that could be a trigger because you will associate the pain of the argument with the pain of the affair.

4. Other people asking you about the relationship. When friends say ‘How are you and your husband doing?’ It could remind you of the affair and trigger some emotions.

5. Kids (if you have them). Sometimes kids say things that just break your heart. They might (might not) know that your husband cheated, but they might say something like ‘I really love our family and spending time together’. That really hurts and causing you to think about the future and the thought of not being a family anymore, which produces an emotional trigger.

After the affair, triggers will happen from time to time. Understand and treat them as just a trigger. Don’t let it take over your day or your life. Give yourself a set amount of time to feel it, and then release it. Till next time ladies!!!

I actually took my ring off to show that I can be confident and proud with or without the ring. I almost think that my husband was using the fact that I wore my ring as a sign that everything is ok. Now mind you ladies, I have a husband that is pretty insensitive and slightly on the controlling side. So I did this as a way to show him that I don’t need a ring to feel safe. I am proud, sexy, and beautiful with or without it. A ring or marriage does not define me as a person. And we all have a choice, just like I chose not to cheat, I chose to wear the ring out of respect of our marriage, and I am choosing not to wear it.

I am in no way, shape or form advising you to do the same. You have to realize I am at a point in my recovery where I am very confident (don’t get me wrong, I still struggle) in my decisions and I have a game plan moving forward. I chose to take the ring off because I was using it as a crutch and as a symbol of my confidence and ability to be a great wife. I don’t need that anymore, I know I am a great person, wife, and mother with or without it. I hope you feel the same way as well. Good night ladies!!

He recommended counseling.  I told him I wanted my cheating husband to set it up.  He thinks it doesn’t matter.  He said set it up yourself and during the sessions you can get a feel if he is really willing to do what it takes to rebuild trust.  One thing that he said that surprised me was that if he did it again, that my stuff and leave immediately, make him realize that he lost out on the deal.  And trust me, he is going to lose big time.  He told me if it doesn’t work, then I have to work on starting out fresh and giving my children the most comfortable life possible.

Even though I felt better after the call, I still feel like I disappointed him, even thought I did not cheat.  I feel like I disappointed him in the choice of the man I married.  I had this same feeling when I told him I was with an abusive man some years ago. Both times, I was out of state, alone, and there was really nothing they could do.   But I am still glad I had the conversation……Till next time ladies!!

Dear Cheating Husband: I AM TIRED OF BEING CONTROLLED.  I don’t want to be married yes for the fact that my husband cheated but second because I am so sick of being questioned and controlled.  All the while my husband goes out and *)sjk(*) somebody and to this day still tries to control.  I am going to be happy the day I can go out on my own, without having to answer to anybody.  I ever heard there are relationships where women can go out with friends and have some alone time without feeling bad or being questioned.  I bet those husbands aren’t cheating!!  Stay strong ladies, till next time.

Right now me and my cheating spouse (former husband) are living together, for the sake of living together.  There is no sex, and communication is only because of our kids.  I have expressed to him that it is over because of his affair and the fact that I can not get over his behavior, and that is ok for me to feel that way.  Of course he wants to get back, but I still think it is to save face.

The think that surprises me is, we don’t have sex at all anymore, and I love it!!!  There is such anger and resentment towards him, that when he even tries to come toward me in a sexual manner, I want to either throw up or throw something at him.  Our sex life is over.  And the funny thing is, I am less stressed.  I don’t have to think about if he is or isn’t going to come on to me.  I don’t have to stress about feeling bad that I don’t have sex with him anymore.  I don’t have to stress about birth control or pregnancy.  The world is just a little bit simplified by the fact that I refuse and can’t emotionally have sex with him anymore.  Someone (of course a guy) said, don’t do that (meaning now have sex), your going to drive him away.  Oh well, I will not sacrifice my own happiness and emotionally stability to try to please a cheating spouse who has hurt me so much.   I really have to give it to those women who choose and want to stay by their man, that is a very difficult thing to do.   I am unfortunately not in that category.  And I am slowly starting to realize that getting a divorce is much longer and much more of a headache than I ever imagined.   So I better get use to the lack of sex.  Ladies, I would rather not have sex than to have sex and regret it or not feel good afterwords!!  Till next time.