Infidelity has caused me to want to leave the marriage, and I am really, really dreading being a single parent. Ok, I am actually scared. Yes, my husband cheated, and I still can’t get over it, but the thought of raising two kids on my own is overwhelming.
You see, I am not one of these ‘good moms’. I have to give it up to all of those stay at home moms that day in and day out take care of their kids. I don’t have that skill set. I didn’t realize how hard being a parent can be. It never ends. It tests you in every way. And for me in particular, I am always feeling like a bad mom. I work during the day, come home, cook, takes a bath and then bed. Not much time to do anything else. So it is about 2-3 hours of interaction before bed. My 3 year old will not go to bed smoothly, it is always a fight. I don’t want to fight anymore! But then I feel bad, I only spent a couple of hours with her, why should I be this irritated. I can’t get control of her. She raises her voice and wants things her way. I try spanking, time out, yelling, and it doesn’t seem to work. I know I need to be more consistent with my approach, but it is hard. To all those moms (especially single moms) that have their kid disciplined and listening to them by age 3 – CHEERS TO YOU, GIVE ME ADVICE PLEASE. And don’t get me started on my 8 month old!!
As you can see, I’m not the most confident mom. My family doesn’t live close, so it’s not like I can drop them off at Grandma’s when I need a break. So the thought of doing all of that alone is terrifying!! I know that is not an excuse to have him stay but man, I have to literally build my confidence that I can watch them alone before I leave.
Now I will be honest, my cheating husband is very active and helpful when dealing with the kids, and that is so good (I think he secretly knows that he has to help or I will go plum crazy and he doesn’t want that for the kids!!)
I guess I have to build up more confidence in being able to raise/watch two small children alone, cheating impacts families in such negative ways.
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