You have caught your husband cheating, and you are devastated. It’s been months and you still feel miserable. You are lost, you’re lonely, and you don’t feel yourself anymore. Welcome to the world of after the affair. This is a stage that almost every woman goes through, so please do not feel alone.
You need to know that you have a FIGHT to prepare for. This is the fight of your life, the fight to get YOU back. After the affair, you question personal values, religion, how you perceive the world and everyone around you. That is very normal considering the events that have taking place around infidelity.
In order for YOU get feel good again, you have to FIGHT through the negativity with affirmations. You have to FIGHT though the self-esteem issues through confidence. You have to FIGHT through the in-decision to make one. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
Most of us don’t enter the ring, just floating through your affair recovery. That’s not going to work – you have to FIGHT for your personal recovery. It takes effort, it takes times, and most importantly, it takes belief in yourself and patience. But YOU have to FIGHT to overcome the negativity, shame, and anger from the affair. FIGHT for the higher place, FIGHT for a better circumstance, FIGHT FOR YOU.
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
but how do i start to fight for me? i feel so lost. i just want to go on with my life but i dont know how to start. me and my husband are trying to work things out and so far it seems things are going ok. its only been 3 weeks since i found out. maybe im wanting things to go faster than they are. i just want it all to go away. i want ME back. but i dont know where to start. anything i do for me just seems empty. like im doing things or going places but only my body is there. ive lost where i am.
Hello Karen,
You are in the devastation period, where most women feel nothing but hurt. I was in that stage, numb as well, I had to force myself to eat. Enjoying anything, even eating, didn’t feel right. You are correct that this is a process, and it’s not as fast as with anything else we typically experience, because the pain is so deep. Everyone is different in how long they stay in this stage, it is not common for women to feel numb for the first 1-3 months following the affair. The key with you is to keep doing things for you, even if it feels empty now, eventually it wont. There is nothing that I can say that will magically take the pain away that you feel right now, but trust me when I say that you will come out of the experience stronger and wiser than ever before. Say that to yourself everyday, even if you don’t feel that way, and slowly but surely, as each day goes by, you will gain more and more strength. Take Care.
I’m in the same position Karen is in how do you get to that point.I’m not a person that drink but I find myself taking a couple drinks, but it doesn’t help. I know I need to love myself more than I love him, but where do you start…..
Hello Sandra,
I think it starts with a couple of things. First is just a simply evaluation, are any of your activities exclusively for your benefit, or is everything you do for the kids/husband etc.? It is critically important to do things exclusively for you, that is how you start to train your brain that your needs are important.
Have you decided to stay or leave the marriage? If you haven’t decided, then it’s hard to fight for YOU because your mind will be consumed with feeling trapped, unsure, confused, uncertain. Once you decide, you give yourself more room for YOU.
Also affirmations helped me. They are little phrases that I tell myself to help fight all those negative emotions, it’s literally a fight , the positive vs negative emotions, and if you have any positive phrases to help you overcome the negative ones, they will take over. Below is an affirmation that you can start saying to yourself a couple of times a day that might help. “How I feel is important, and I love myself enough to focus on those things that bring me joy, and focus less on those things that cause me pain. If you say that enough times, it will start to shift your focus away from the negative thoughts and situations. Best of luck to you! ((You are right, the drinking doesn’t work, after the hangover, those heavy emotions are still there)).
this is now feeling like a roller coaster ride i cant get off of. one day im positive, thinking logical. feeling everything is going ok and not so bad. then a negative thing will pop in my head and i cry. then maybe the next day im angry and i tell him off.i go days with no sleep because thoughts wont leave my head. and what i really hate is i cant go one single day without thinking of him cheating on me. and there is the self esteem. i try acting happy, and sweet, and understanding, i try to dress better, change my hair style etc. then i think “what the heck am i doing all this for?” its like im trying to win him back or something (which by the way, we are working it out) seems it should be him trying to win me back. i have to say though, he has been supportive. letting me vent and tell him off. holding me when i cry, talking to me more, going to counciling etc. one think i can say though, you are right. at first i felt like its not fair , i told him before he cheated that our marriage needed work, i told him so many things, so many red flags, but like he said “it took God throwing a brick at his head” for him to listen. well that brick ( him cheating and getting caught) may have taught him something but im the one that ended up with all the pain, i felt i walked away with nothing but pain. well last night i realized, im a much stronger person than i had ever thought. and when i stopped speaking up about the things he was doing that was harming our marriage (before he cheated) i had the right as his wife to speak up, it was not controling as i had thought. it was demanding respect as a person. and for now on i will speak up. i will have boundaries and they best not be crossed ever again. i have every right as his wife to tell him not to speak to curtain women, not to lie, not to neglect me any more. i refused to ever be treated with disrespect again. so see i did get some good out of this tragic mess after all. i just wish i can get off this roller coaster now . or at least have it slow down some. for despite all im learning, i spent another 24 hours so far of no sleep due to all the thoughts of him cheating.
Go Karen!!! It literally seemed that you were getting stronger and stronger as you were writing your last post!!
I know you are feeling you can’t get the thoughts out of your head because it’s consuming you. What you really have to do is think about why? There is something that is happening between the both of you that is causing some extreme triggers for you (see the section of the site on triggers). I know you mentioned some intimacy concerns, maybe that is serving as a constant reminder of a gap in the marriage, thus causing you to think about the cheating all the time. If you are able to do this, think about taking a day away from your husband, away from the house, and go out and do something for you. It might be as simply as going to take a walk in the park, walking in the mall, something refreshing and relaxing to you, where you can have some peaceful time to yourself. Something to get you out of the house, in a setting relaxing enough for you to think. You need to think about what about his cheating is consuming you. Is it that you think he is still cheating? Is it that you are still angry at him? Is it the sex? Something is in conflict with what you are thinking and your current reality when it comes to the affair, and with some relaxed time alone (not in the house, it’s too much of a reminder) the core of why you are consumed with the cheating might come to light.
Lastly, I know you mentioned you started to dress nice, act happy, change your hair, and then thought ‘why am I doing this, he cheated’. Just to clarify, the getting dressed, looking nice has nothing to do with courting him, and everything to do with courting yourself. By doing those things, you are telling yourself and your brain, I am important, I deserve to look good for me, doesn’t matter if you stay with your husband or not. The reason why we do things in life has utter importance, so next time you put that lovely dress on, do it because you like the dress and you know you look good in it – if your husband happens to see you in it, lucky for him. If he doesn’t see you in it, doesn’t matter, putting on that dress was for your benefit!! Take Care Karen!!
thank you for your responds jewels. i went to the therapist today and talked about what bothers me most is my husbands lying to me through our whole marriage. about emailing an old girlfriend from way back in highschool. to his drinking, and they things he said and did to women online game of secondlife. therapist said my husband will have to work on the underlying cause of his lying and also why he always looks for other women to talk to, that he seems he is there to create a fantasy fory himself, and if he cant dig deep and find the sorce of his problems, then it will not go away. he has to look back and figure out why he did what he did. and as for me, i need to stop over analizing things so much. ive done this for so many years. i need to read a book or something to keep my mind busy so my thoughts dont go over board to parinoia where i get way to obbsessed about the whole thing. i cant figure out my husband, its up to him and with the therapist to work on that. your very right, i do need to fix myself up and do it for me. make myself feel good about me again. i love reading the posts on this site, it has really helped alot. and its so sweet of you to try and answer every post we put out. its as if your our own therapist as well lol. oh and btw, the therpaist said if my marriage is to really work and get repaired it is important for my husband to look deeper into his issues or they will only repeat themselves if not the same , then in other ways.
I am now 1 year post affair this month and I am still dealing with all the feelings. In addition to the cheating, my husband had open heart surgery in May and I found myself once again having to put aside my feelings to care for him…he was really good and seemed to have really changed for the better up until about a month ago when I found out he had lied to me again and had smoked some pot…yes he has had issues with drug use as well. I told him to leave that I was going to file for legal separation…he left for a week and I couldn’t stop crying…it was all I could do to get thru work each day, not to mention caring for 2 teenagers trying to deal with all this. I missed him terribly and he wanted to come home so I let him. I have set the boundary that I absolutely cannot tolerate any more dishonesty…but now that he is back, I really don’t know if I have made the right decision…I thought I was saving my family but the kids are confused and stressed out by all this and I don’t feel he is behaving the right way to me….not that I want him groveling at my feet, but I still don’t feel like he is acting like someone who wants to save this relationship no matter what….i am so confused, feel like i am going crazy….
Hello Leslie,
From your post, you seem to be putting alot of energy towards everyone else, but yourself. Your emotions are most important because if you don’t like the way you feel, you can be that mom to your teenagers, that wife to your husband, ect. So where you do start? You really have to come one with your emotions and ask yourself tough questions. Make time to be alone, outside of the house. Ask yourself how you felt when he was away. What specifically did you miss, why were you crying. How do you feel now, why do you feel that way. You have to really make it a priority to dig into your emotions and get at the heart of what is bothering. Once you get at the center of it (and of course it could be several things) then you have the power to improve it. I think at this time you are dealing with so many emotions at the surface level which is what is causing you problems. Sometimes a therapist can help you get to the root of your emotions as well. For instance, maybe you have anger because you feel that he should be stepping up and aiding the recovery. If that is a strong emotion for you, and a reason for your pain, then figure out what specifically you want him to do, and ask him to do it. If he doesn’t do it, that is ok. You can not make anyone do anything, but at least you are starting to sort out mentally what is bothering you – that is powerful. I know for me personally, I dealt with many emotions, and one of the hardest was accepting that I can’t make my husband do what I think he should do. I could not stand the lying either, and when I caught him in one after the affair, I would get so depressed, how could he continue to hurt me this way, why would he feel he has to lie to me? It was very hard. But once I realized that was what was bothering me – I had to come to terms with reality, which was I can not force anyone to tell the truth. I cried for days but eventually I realized something more important. I realized that yes, I could not change him, but what that meant was, he can not change me. I can choose to allow him to get me angry, or focus on something else. He can not make me focus on him and his lies. And once I came to that truth, I started to focus my attention elsewhere and things started to change.
**Lastly, your teenagers are confused because you are, once you mentally decide to either stay or leave the marriage, things will start to clear up for the family. They are projecting how you are feeling – and do not feel bad for that. Our kids (especially teens) need to understand that life is not always perfect, that there will be up’s and down’s. Imagine if they never experienced real life?? The moment something happens to them when they are older they will be all out of sort’s! What is important in your confusion is not where you are now, it is how YOU come out of this experience. You can be in the state that you are in now, and next year, be in a much better place. You kids will remember how you went from confused to empowered and that is what you hold on to – because you will be teaching them a great lesson through your actions.
You will get through this.
Jewels, thanks so much for your reply. Everything you said is exactly what I am feeling. The fact that he would continue to do these things that hurt me,the lies, the porn viewing, the drug use, after I expressed to him that they hurt me, is what I have had the hardest time dealing with. He continues to minimize these things like I am making a big deal over nothing. He is so in denial and He is refusing to change and I am refusing to settle that this is as good as it gets. We have decided that its best for him to leave the house. We live on family land, his family is all around us. He is going down the hill to his moms. He says he knows i love him and he has made it clear to everyone that this isn’t my fault. Yet, he refuses counseling, refuses to stop hanging around with his drug using friends and continues to view porn on the internet. (I have since locked him out of my computer). I do still love him, probably always will because I want him to be healed from all this, but if I don’t start taking care of me I will end up in the psyche ward! I want ME back, the strong me, the me who wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything, the confident ME that I was before he took it all away….your thoughts and experiences are helping me so much…thanks and I will keep in touch…
Leslie,
You very welcome! Keep in touch!
Jewels
It has been since April that I found out of my husbands 3 yr affair. The affair is over and she is out of the picture and I am not so emotinally unstable now. But, of course, the subject is always on my mind and in my heart that this happened. We are getting long and maybe too well. To those that don’t know of this marrital issue they wouldn’t know it even happened. That is what bothers me. It is almost like it never happened, but it did. The fact that he can go on being “good” now like he was prior to the affair and then during the affair bothers me. How am I to know if and when he does again? He of course says he will never do, and has said he is sorry countless times, but that is really meaningless to me. Because he said vows 26 yrs ago to me, threw them away, and now says basically “vows” again. Meaningless. How am I to REALLY trust him? I feel like I am searching for something and don’t know what. I am in limbo. Do I love him? Yes. But, I will always be angry with him over this. It defines my marriage for me. It told me things I didn’t realize or know about him before and I don’t like those things. I hate those things. Financially, I am secure whether we are together or not so it isn’t money why I am continuing to try. My kids know of this affair and they are all adults now… so it isn’t that. I am not afraid to be alone, I am a pretty independent woman so why am I staying I ask myself at times when I still hurt very much…I just don’t cry so often now. I don’t trust him like I once did. I am angry with him, yet I am supportive and helpful and continue to do for him like I always have. You would think this never happened. But gosh I hurt. I hurt all the time and I am angry often. I have my days to myself as he is at work and my last two kids home are at school or off at work or sports. I have alot of alone time… I think and dwell on this affair and how much it has changed things. Sometimes I just want to run away and take a vacation alone. But running solves nothing. I have all the time alone to think right here but it just hurts. I love him but I question why I am here. He hurt me real bad and I didn’t deserve it. I’m just unhappy now. I don’t know if I will ever he happy again…not while being married and living with him knowing what he has done. It forever changes things. He says he wishes he didn’t do just like I have told him I wish it never happened. But alas, it did and I know and it can’t be undone. I don’t know how to be happy with him anymore. When we are together with friends and/or the kids its smiles and laughter like always but it isn’t real. Inside it isn’t like it once was… it isn’t trust and carefree anymore. It is just hurt and anger with me putting my best foot forward and trying to be happy. It is an effort.
I feel exactly that way too. Have been married for over 26 years and mine had a 2 year affair, 2months was actually being with each other the rest of the time was obssesive phone calling for the 2 years and I can’t get past the idea of two years to figure out that this isn’t doing anyone any good and yet keep doing it . I hurt everyday and wonder if I even do love him or am I just so hurt. It has been 10 months since this affair was revealed but feels like yesterday!!
Hello Denise,
Sorry to hear you are in so much pain. I feel that you need to really get to the bottom of why you are in as much pain as you are in. In the simple terms, you can say you are in pain because of 2 years of betrayal. But until you go deeper within yourself to understand the pain, you will continue to live in it and I refuse to accept that for you!! What has he done in the past 10 months to restore the trust? If he hasn’t done too much, this could be causing you pain. 2 years is deep, and unfortunately, sometimes even looking at your husband can be a huge reminder of the affair. I think therapy will help you to unlock those emotions that are tied up keeping you ‘emotional prison’, which you have been in for a while. I wish you the best in your journey.
Hello Kathy (sorry about the incorrect name),
At first glance at the response, I know exactly what you mean by saying you both continue on as if nothing happened. And it may appear that nothing changed, but you are so right in two comments. The marriage will not be the same again, for the simple fact that the foundational glue of the marriage was shattered, which is trust. It can be built back up, but not in the same way as it was before. The second thing is that your emotions and feelings from the marriage and you have changed. That should not be downplayed. It is almost as if everything is wonderful except how you feel – BUT how you feel is important. It is not fair for you to live like this, feeling this way. Not advising you to leave at all, but I just want you to know that how you feel is very important and should be a huge part of the marriage, that should be a priority and maybe your husband can help you through those emotions, make it a priority. Take Care.
It has been almost 6 months since I found out about my husbands affair with his ex wife and mother of his children, It has been a rollar coaster of emotions, we did try to reconcile, after I ended up having emergency surgery, but I realized all I have been doing is pushing the pain and the reality under the rug, It has almost destroyed who I am, and has damaged my soul, I had to get on medication just so I could get through the day, there is no excuse for infidelity, it is the most selfish and hurtful act one can do to there partner, I have just realized the key to living and healing is all about ME, its about getting my life back, and doing all the things that I love to do, I will no Longer be on the back burner, I will heal my soul, and become a better person as a result of this. I will no longer take ANY blame for what has happened, I have filed for a divorce, and I feel a sense of peace, I dont have to worry all day what hes doing or if there still talking, I have not forgiven him, and never will, but I will move on with my wonderful life, I believe that some people just cannot forgive and reconcile, Im finding Iam one of those people, my biggest goal in this journey is not to be bitter or hateful, I know I have a long way to go, but I have made it this far, I will survive.
I’m sorry mindi..very sorry. There are no excuses. I’m going through the same thing. I warned him about losing my trust, I’m not a forgiving person…he didn’t think I had it in me. I don’t care about little things in life. This is like the ultimate betrayal. I just want to be happy again…his problems are his problems…he chose that path. And why should i suffer for his mistakes? Hell no.
The stories and the encouragement you get from Jewels is incredible! Keep reading and your thoughts will be solidified.
Jewels : My husband will not help me through these emotions. I have asked. He is silent. I have even told him it is as if he doesn’t care because he is so unemotional about my feelings and hurt which is obviously out there.. he has been around many of times I have broken down. Be he says he keeps his emotions inside and doesn’t show them. Well, I would think after all he has done and put me through if it will help me to see he cares he sure should show it now and let me see how sorry and upset over what hurt he has caused. But no, he remains this normal, silent and quiet man. Showing me nothing. I have not seen shame, regret, hurt.. nothing from him. NOTHING. That may be even what keeps me in this hole I am in. Who knows. But on top of all I feel from what has happened seeing him so “normal” makes me feel like it was nothing to him and I just need to “get over”. He acts normal and wants the “normal” me back. I do recall a time he was teary eyed when I first found out and asked him point blank if it was true and if he loved her and his answer to both was yes. That is the only time I will admit I saw emotion and that was long ago in April. Since then I have seen him be quiet and alone in the dark in a room in what seems like depression maybe 3 times after we had words. I found out recently more lies. Things he answered me untruthfully about their affair and when I did find out he lied in his answers I was livid seeing that even months after the affair while trying to understand and remain together in our home he still holds back and lies to me. I was telling him I am getting a divorce and that I was done. He went flush and depressed again and felt defeated. Says he doesn’t tell me everything because he knows my reaction and is sparing me more hurt. I told him good or bad I want truths. Truths coming from him are much better than coming from her. I also found out at that same time he has communicated and seen her in person. She showed up somewhere she knew he would be wanting his help and he said no. So then communication started online asking for the help and when he refused more she then sent me letters and pictures of him with her children on property of ours. I had asked him about spending time on our property together or with her children when I found out of the affair and he stated no back then. So you see, I was livid that I find more truths out from her than I do him. He is the one I am supposed to trust. I want nothing to do with her and I want him to have nothing to do with her. If asking for favors and showing up somewhere was so innocent and of her doing then why not tell me about. What is there to hide. I may abe upset with her doing so, but how can I blame him. But it ends up I do now because he wasn’t forthcoming and I had to find out through her about things again.. just like I did the affair to begin with. I found out from her. He just doesn’t get it. I am angry and hurt because I feel he should be so lucky that I am even here giving him a chance and all he does is cause me more hurt in return. More secrets, more lies and deceit. He is gone on a trip for a couple days and you know what I am thinking… who is he gonna be with now. I know I sound pathetic.. I am just angry. I want to think you for giving me a place to vent. I really have no where to turn.
Hello Mindi, welcome back
I really love the confidence and conviction in putting yourself first, your life is going to turn around in such incredible ways, I am happy for you. Like you, the pain was so severe it started impacting my health, and that is when I realized HE is not worth it, and I feel that I was in such bad health because I was putting all the attention on him and the affair, all this unnecessary pressure on myself trying to make things work, and totally neglected myself and my health along the way. I had to let go and haven’t looked back sense.
You just entered another phase of your journey, which is where the peace is coming from, once you make that decision either way to stay or leave the marriage, it’s like a ton of bricks are lifted off of your shoulders, it is a huge moment in your recovery and you should be proud that you made it this far, can’t wait to hear the next update in your journey, take care!!
Hello Kathy,
You are not pathetic, what you are writing is so very normal. Out of all the women I interact with, the majority unfortunately have husbands that act like this after the affair – continue to lie, and don’t act remorseful – including my husband. The day after I found out, I was so devastated I could go to work and had to force myself to eat because I was pregnant. That morning, he went biking with his buddy. I was so angry – I am sitting here about to fall about and you go biking like nothing happened? But that is what they do. My husband continued to lie about things, and each lie that you find out cuts like a knife in the beginning, each time you find out he is still interacting with her is so painful, they have no clue, but many men who cheat do this after the affair.
I say this to you because I feel you are taking his reaction very personal, and I am hear to tell you it is ok, do not blame yourself for him reaction. I begged my husband to tell me details about the affair because I didn’t want to find out from her. He didn’t, she ended up contacting me later and hurting me all over again, if he would of just told me from the beginning, it would of been better.
Anyways Kathy what I realized is that I can not force my husband to tell the truth, I can’t force him to not contact her. I have to see the situation for what it is, and if I don’t like what I see, instead of focusing on making him be truthful, I have to focus on what I need to do to feel better – period. So if that meant not talking to him for the day, I would be very short with him and not talk to him. If that meant spending time alone so that I could figure out if I want to stay in this marriage, then that is what I did. if that meant just being still, and seeing what he is going to do, versus me typically taking steps, then that is what I did. I turned the focus off of him because clearly I was not going to change him, and put the focus on me, because I can choose what I focus on, and thus change the direction of my life. I wish you well, reach out anytime to vent, take care.
Hi jewels
I am struggling so much!! He had an affair and he wont admit it. He came home with make up on his skin…sparkles and all! His aunt saw him with her at taco time parked…and I was at home taking care of his mother who just had a knee replacement at that time. I had only 4 hrs sleep that day. Instead of thinking of me and how much work I have done for his family…he takes advantage of his mother tying me up while he is out having sex with her!! Wen he came home…he walked in with a taco time cup. He acted all distant and mad..for nothing. Then I took the truck and jumped in…at that moment I smelled strong perfume and saw a receipt with the cost of two people. Then I saw a cup with lip gloss on the straw!! Yet he denies that he didnt know where that cup came from. Then a week later I found a perfume bottle which was the same exact smell in the truck. He lies! He lies! He lies! I am so hurt and so consumed with this affair that he denies. I am hurt! I hate that he did it. I hate that its his assistant and I hate that she still works with him everyday!! Still he comes home with a sparkle here and there. I feel like he don’t care and I feel like he has no guilt for anything hes done. Now its two years later since she’s worked for him and I found out about his affair last January. Now its march and im still hurt everyday. I had to go on medication for depression and …..its everything!! Everything. I am having trouble fighting for myself and my life I once had. I am numb some days and other days I am lost..angry..confused..betrayed..sad..and now I can hardly cook dinner. I need help…..I do. Thank you all so much…
Its been almost 2 years since my man cheated on me.. at that time i couldn’t cope with it so i dismissed it as just a suspicion (he had an almost undistinctive hiky on the throat)
i chose to play the fool and think that it didn’t happen and believe him and forget.
After two years, something just told me that i couldn’t take it anymore and i started asking for an apology and i wanted to know why it happened.. (explanation witch i never got) i nagged for so long and peacefully that he finally “kinda” told me.
I couldn’t take it so i left home.
It was hard, i was psychically ill for a week while living in a rented room.
he repented deeply or so it seamed came with roses, purchased me chocolates, he asked me to marry him as he knew i had wanted for 2 years while we lived together.
I said no with tears in my eyes.. it was my dream. shattered.
After a week, i went back to my home to save money, for comfort, for love i wanted to be with him even though i couldn’t bring my self to even kiss him.
i had already decided to leave the country and i had just a few days left.. and we parted as friends at the end. (we kissed and such)
i know im not married like everyone else, but i left my life in another country for him, that’s how much i loved him. And we or at least i had plans to marry he never proposed but we talked about that we would.. and i waited… Now he has…only i don’t know what to do.
My question is how do i get past this indecisiveness.
One moment I love my ex and want to be with him, tell him i do want to return, I even call him at times when he doesn’t seem to care enough.
And a moment later i fully turn and hate him for what he has done and never want to see him again, and think he is lying and tell him i do not even want to be friends.
I came back home to my mom (she wanted me to) before i could regret leaving him, my home town is in another continent,
and i STILL cant decide if i want to be with him or not. To marry him.
Sometimes i think that he is worth marrying because in that moment i think that he really loves me and that he wont do it again and i do believe him because of the things he says that shows he really cares and repents.
and the next day i think i deserve better than him someone that truly loves me and wouldn’t hurt me like that. And shows his appreciation for me.
And so it goes over and over again.
How can i decide?
Sometimes i almost feel sorry and understanding for him i understand that he made a mistake and that he truly is sorry.
But how could i marry someone i cannot trust? Can love really overcome this in the long run? How can i know if he will cheat again?
Is my love for him worth having to face another betrayal if he didn’t change?
I would go back for my own sake… to feel better.
I might be married next time and with children.
If i don’t go back to him.. what if i couldn’t forget him and regret not marrying all my life and miss him always i couldn’t bare that.
He is the undeserved love of my life. Could i forget him?