I have come to realize that there are two types of crying associated with finding out that your husband had an affair. Both are very important towards your recovery, and understanding both types is crucial.
Type I: The hurt/anger cry: This is the type of crying that comes with the pain of finding out that your husband has cheated. You’re crying because you are in so much pain. You’re crying because you can’t believe he put you in this position. You’re crying because the level of betrayal makes you angry. You’re angry at the other woman and angry at your husband. And it is at times like these that you just can’t help but cry. After the crying session, you really don’t feel that much better than when you started.
This form of crying is the most common type in the months after you learn about the affair. The next form of crying happens after you have made the decision to stay or leave the marriage. Please remember that there is no timestamp on when this type of crying happens (for me it was ten months after I made the decision to leave), but when it does come, you feel differently than you did when you cried from anger and pain.
2. Grieving/loss crying: This type of crying happens when you’re mourning the loss of what you envisioned for your marriage. Whether you stay or leave the marriage, your marriage will be different now that infidelity has entered it. There is grief associated with coming to terms with the fact that the dreams you had for your marriage are not going to be reality. We spend years with the image of how we want our marriages to be, so grieving that loss is completely natural and understandable.
I went through this kind of crying a couple of months ago. I spent the weekend alone and the tears just started to come for no reason. I soon found that I couldn’t stop. I kept crying almost the entire weekend, and it was so different from the angry or painful crying. After my crying session, I actually felt better, almost as if some weight that I didn’t even know I carried had been lifted. It was an amazing feeling, and that crying session was something that I needed to do for my own recovery.
Crying is therapeutic and natural way to release pain and sadness, so whenever you feel like crying, go for it. It is ok.