I recently read an interesting article that listed out in a nice format some statistics about cheating. You can view the information by using the link at the bottom of this post.
The statistic that stood out stated that the majority of affairs are ones that are with ‘friends’.
I think as humans, we think that we can control ourselves around ‘friends’ of the opposite sex, but the statistics are showing that we can’t. There is an ongoing debate around this. Some people feel when you’re married you should not have close ‘friends’ of the opposite sex. Some feel that by making such a statement (no friends of the opposite sex), it calls for a controlling marriage.
The cheating with a friend plays consistently every time. Here is how it goes.
Man falls in love and marries a woman (wife). Husband and wife live together and it is not what hubby expected. Husband starts to either increase existing friendships with other women or creates new ones. Man thinks he can control himself. Husband has argument with wife, calls ‘friend’. ‘Friend’ sides with husband. Husband likes ‘friend’ even more. Another argument with wife, more (visits, phone calls, texts, or online chats) with friend. Husband starts to fantasize about ‘friend’. Husband or ‘friend’ makes an advance, and the rest is his story.
Before my husband cheated, we agreed not to have any close friends of the opposite sex. I kept my end of the deal, but when the relationship hit a rough patch, he didn’t keep his end of the deal.
I am really torn with this debate over marriage and friends of the opposite sex. Part of me thinks that when you’re married, you really should not have ‘friends’ from the opposite sex because the minute you hit a marriage problem, by talking to your ‘friend’ (who happens to be a single woman 10 years younger) you’re literally planting the seeds because this is how most affairs start.
I do think there is a balance that works, lucky for me after this experience I plan to be single for a while so I will have plenty of time to find the balance that works for me. Enjoy and take care!!
Link with the statistics: Cheating Statistics
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I worked the 11pm -7am shift my husband says he wasn’t looking he was comparing. What the heck does that mean? I found e=mails to him from wome n on zooks and he hooked up with an old friend from high school ivia Facebook, Needless to say I moved out and we are now divorced. He insists he wants his wife back but continues to talk and text this woman. she called him last week and wanted to take him out for his birthday, he says he did not go that weekend because he thought we were working on getting back together. I flipped out and no matter how much I still love him I can not get the picture of him and her having sex out of my head. I can’t stand for him to touch me now. He thinks it’s okay for them to still be friends and says the have not had sex in over a year. Does that make it okay for him to still talk to her? I can’t seem to make a decision to walk away or stay.
Vicki, your divorced right? If so you have already walked away! You took the step to move on and now it’s your turn to put your foot down and move on girl! He is just stringing you along because you let him. Yes a part of you will always love him that is normal, but he made a bad choice to cheat and then still stay in contact with her. No one should have to put up with that!
Vicki,
It’s not ok for him to still talk to her and pursue you. What he is saying is that he wants you but doesn’t want to let her know, it doesn’t work that way. Maybe it’s good that you continue to move on, it seems like staying involved is going to get the drama to continue.