As I think about my life right now, I think I really can’t complain because I am able to feed my two kids, I have a job, and I have a house. But…I never thought in a million years that in 2009 I would be struggling to pay my mortgage, have a ton of debt (or at least it feels like a ton), and have a cheating husband who just doesn’t get that what he did was wrong! This is not supposed to be my life!
Ultimately, I think there are a couple of ways this economy has made the pain I’m feeling over this affair even worse.
1. I can’t freaking go anywhere because we are out of money! I am in no way expecting anyone to feel sorry for me; I am just saying how I feel. This means that my husband and I have to face each other and talk because we can’t get away from each other. If our finances weren’t so bad, I would be going out more, partying more, spending more. Things haven’t been great for a while. Once we got a house and started having kids, we had to say good-bye to things that made us happy and brought us closer together, like monthly dates. Then and now, we are just trying to make sure we pay everyone on time. Stressing over money probably took a big toll on our marriage.
2. Because of the economy, I feel I can’t move out. (Then again, with how indecisive I’ve been feeling about moving, I don’t know if this is necessarily a bad thing). We both can’t afford this house on our own. (Ladies, here’s some advice: only get a house if you can live off one income, so you won’t be in a situation like I am now).
3. Being literally stuck at the house has caused me to think about my life and reflect, reflect, reflect. Self-reflection isn’t necessarily a bad thing; in fact, it’s usually a good thing. But lately I’ve been doing it so much, and feeling so bad when I do it, that it’s wearing me out. I keep saying to myself every day, “How the **** did I get to this point in my life? What happened?”
There is one good thing about me still being here. We have had some good conversations that probably would not have happened if I had the money to “up and leave.” But sometimes, the conversations leave me angry and upset.
Am I the only one out there in this predicament? If you have any stories about how your financial situation has affected your life following your husband’s affair, I’d love to hear them.